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Queers don't tend to expect our dates to come into our lives completely free of prior complication.
We know our backstories will be tangled and intertwined.
No matter what his answer is, it's going to make things weird.
Besides, comparing yourself to anybody — even if you come out ahead — is going to lead to feeling crappy, because basing your self-esteem on where you stand relative to someone else is Not Healthy.
However, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with both of them, it's crucial that you never seem even a little like you're taking sides in their breakup or casting either one as the bad guy, even months or years after the fact. For instance, if your friend doesn't want to go to parties where her ex will be in attendance, don't pressure her.
This has nothing to do with some kind of Eternal Dibs situation, and everything to do with the fact that, by choosing to build a relationship with someone who treated her horribly, you're telling your friend you don't think what he did to her was all that bad. There are lots of people out there who are just as good in bed and haven't traumatized anyone you care about.Of course, if your sweetie gives you a legitimate reason to believe he's untrustworthy, get out of there stat, but if there's really nothing wrong, don't create problems where none exist. Likewise, don't grill your boyfriend on what went wrong or insist that he account for his behavior throughout the entire time they dated.Their relationship is between them; it's not your cautionary tale or your soap opera. It's easier, of course, to have hard-line rules — "exes are never OK" versus "exes are totally fine" — but that's not the world we live in.One of my best friends dated this guy for a couple of years ago and then they... She wanted the break up, I sort've did too at the time. Here is my case: My best friend/roommate dated this guy for about 3 months, in which I knew the guy like 2 years before, and they broke up.Had a Long Distance Relationship with a friend of 7-8 years last 3months or so w/ sex. He was on her nightstand before they were together...